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The Dream Of The Shepherd

by Kenny Hoffman

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1.
A pitch-black patch of asphalt where the snowfall didn’t land reminds me of one side of you that I could not understand For every muscle that relaxes there’s another that contracts Oh, I wish I’d had a how-to guide to loving you The chipped paint on the wall of a boarded-up storefront looks just like a mural of an Italian restaurant For every person on the sidewalk there’s a single drop of rain flowing through the viaduct of loving you There was so much I feared about you that I wish I’d had a how-to I wish I’d had a how-to guide to loving you You don’t win a race by being honest or a trophy for being mature but you can understand the limits of suffering by shopping at the dollar store I dream in country music and speak in semaphore but I did not have a how-to guide to loving you There was so much I feared about you that it felt like I was tied to tied to the railroad tracks of loving you I got my B.A. in being amazing and a master’s degree in love I got a PhD in being courageous and a fellowship in all the above but none of these credentials could help me with the studies I’d wanted to pursue and I’m not on the other side of loving you Reading and re-reading Anna Karenina Endlessly re-reading Anna Karenina
2.
True insight is always disappointing Meaning lies in conflict Seek no resolution I woke up on the wrong side of the new world order These rotten institutions I would sooner sin than suffer the consequences of misrule A killer asks a hangman for mercy The hangman tips the stool I live in an ancient part of town where the people are a thousand years old They speak in Babylonian riddles and their teeth look like headstones Brooms fly with no witches on them Clean air is imported and sold I’ve never once been moved by a painting I’m downwardly mobile Why did Pharaoh hang the baker? I was born and raised in a rental manger Love me I’m ugly A murder victim makes a recovery I would sooner sin than suffer for the sins of my father After the last supper table sales shot up In a conference room named heaven above Vatican City The word of god is decided by a committee Debate me Berate me Find it in your heart to date me Discourse Remorse A marriage that ends in divorce
3.
When I let my mind wander I wonder where it goes It leaves in tattered tennis shoes and returns in wedding clothes I’m on the roof on top of the house of anguish and yearning It’s been a while since I’ve been out I smell a cigarette wafting from a lower balcony If I could I would ask the smoker if they’d like some company I’m drinking a beer outside When I let my mind wander I worry that I'm going to lose it It’s taking a year to finish this beer Maybe it’s time that I’m abusing How is this my life? I didn’t choose it Sound is only a metaphor for music I’m drinking a beer outside I wish I were a caveman so I could be the guy to invent cave painting for the first time and they would call me Caveman Breath I would provide the model for the artist obsessed with death and everyone I meet would become a better person and I will consider communing with a higher power when I’m done drinking a beer outside I’ll consider believing in a higher power I’ll consider believing when the can is empty I’ll consider believing when the can is empty I’ll consider believing
4.
I'm so tired of contemplation I spend days completely inert with an empty feeling and the coffee doesn't work Church bells toll through a digital speaker every time a battery dies I hear them ringing through the window and my hips begin to rise Why don't we dance for the first time in a lavendar and burgundy room and dream if only for a night or two? Let's skip town for the doomed republic escape the home security system Let's pick a fight on a warm summer night We can trace a shape through the prairie states that looks just like the lines at Nazca Listen carefully to what I'm about to ask ya We have our lives for a short time and the happy moments are so few Why don't you dream with me if only for a night or two? Is it raining, or am I dreaming? Is it raining, or am I dreaming? Is it raining, or am I dreaming? Let's get a house in the middle of nowhere and furnish it with bottles of wine that we drink at the clip of the cruel passage of time Off of the highway in Central New Jersey a wise guy grew into a wise man but his works and books of wisdom never had a single fan Why don't we dance for the first time in a neon yellow biker bar and dream to the sound of an electric guitar? Why don't we dance for a short time in this crowded metropolitan tomb and dream if only for a night or two? Is it raining, or am I dreaming? Is it raining, or am I dreaming? Is it raining, or am I dreaming? My neck is sore from my head hanging so low Is it raining or am I dreaming or both?
5.
Society is in emergency Existence is a drag All is in collapse I saw graffiti that said the world would end in 2022 I think it might be true Oh, what a fine day Spring is months away A spring day in December A blizzard in the fall A rising tide of violence in every shopping mall Washington was a bedwetter I heard that Hamilton was very small When the string that holds the world together snaps we'll be undone Thy kingdom come I don't think that life's a joke necessarily It doesn't make me laugh When I fall asleep my dreams repeat commercials that I've seen Such a tragedy Oh, what a fine day Disaster awaits A spring day in December A blizzard in the fall A prophecy foretold to me in a public restroom stall Jefferson was a pillpopper Ben Franklin was completely bald When the string that holds the world together snaps we'll be undone Thy kingdom come Oh, what a fine day Disaster awaits Oh, what a fine day Disaster awaits
6.
Mister Policeman what do you do but serve the wealthy as I protect myself from you? You think you're the judge and jury and executioner I read the paper every morning The one I subscribe to comes with a warning that goes "If you want the truth, buddy, you've come to the wrong place A great big storm's a-coming It cannot be stopped Mister Senator don't you see the gaping chasm opening up beneath your feet and the Taj Mahals of weapons on every mountainside? Madame Speaker have you any clue the balance of power tilts from the many toward the few? The order is collapsing from every point of view A tidal wave's approaching and it cannot be stopped Seeds are planted and the farmer plows You hear an engine Somebody steered into the crowd I do it for the thrill and a thrill is what I get A great big storm's a-coming It cannot be stopped Listen to the music It's everything right now
7.
I've thought a lot about if I could tolerate another year of living with a roommate Honey, there's something I would like to ask of you Seeing as how our leases expire around the same time, let me inquire will you move in with me? Move in with me, please Move in with me, please to somewhere we can sleep seven days a week We can renew your lease in September or find a new apartment together Just move in with me, please All homes contain debris from lovers past and the ghosts of families dissolved We can dream of eternity by filling in what's left of any space between us Move in with me, please Move in with me, please I would like to be a part of your routine We'll find a kitchen with a dishwasher adopt a cat and name her Natasha Move in with me, please Move in with me, please Move in with me, please Get a set of keys and make us two copies We'll find a place with in-unit laundry adopt a dog and name him Prince Andrei Move in with me, please We can dream of eternity by filling in what's left of any space between us
8.
Ever since we've been together I've been thinking less and feeling better There's nothing I would change about our life except one thing, and don't get me wrong it's just we only ever eat with the TV on Let's eat at the table tonight Let's eat at the table tonight I'll cook us something really out of sight Lit up by the gleaming candlelight let's eat at the table tonight All relationships are different and that's just the way that it is The legislator measures romance in checks and balances Let's eat at the table, darlin' I picked zucchini squash fresh from the garden and all the while, I wore a natural smile as I tended to the compost pile Let's eat at the table tonight A collector measures his fortune in tiny furniture and hides the key into his heart in his dollhouse miniatures and one day I'll be able to sign a contract with a record label so let's eat at the table tonight, tonight, tonight Let's eat at the table tonight I wrote down all the words I thought to write I sung them out and I made them rhyme and strummed the chords in three-fourth's time Let's eat at the table tonight I say let's disable our miserable subscription to cable and let's eat at the table tonight, tonight, tonight
9.
Don't interrupt me, I'm dreaming There is nothing that can keep the thief who's behind the stage in my mind from stealing the show in my sleep The councilman's nightmares are haunted by the playground's budgetary strain He screams as he's chased by the teens who defaced a bench with a plaque of his name Don't you dare pinch me, I'm dreaming I'm somewhere off the coast of Japan Life is a slog, and it isn't very long so let me still dream while I can Don't interrupt me, I'm dreaming and I don't have the words to describe it They just get in the way of what I'm trying to say when I'm trying to take you inside it At a honky tonk just west of heaven where the spirit of Hank Williams sings I'm smoking cigars with dead country stars and it's raining guitar strings Don't you dare pinch me, I'm dreaming and I'm steering a catamaran Life is a slog, and it isn't very long so let me still dream while I can When I awake from my dreaming to a world I can hardly endure it's as if in my sleep I was draped with a sheet and stored with the old furniture In the room where they keep a madwoman in an unused wing of the estate where the ceilings are tall and books line the walls there's a piano that's never been played So why not pick up the piano or read through the books on the shelves? Well, life is a slog, and it isn't very long so let's not kid ourselves Don't you dare pinch me, I'm dreaming and this one's a ten out of ten Life is a slog, and it won't be very long until I am dreaming again
10.
Everything is blue and it's as blue as blue could be from the carpet to the ceiling and everything between I am in a corner where a blue dresser was staring out the window at the blue hydrangeas Everything is blue on every day of every week from the bottom of the ocean to the highest mountain peak in the Colorado Rockies and in Appalachia Everything's the color of the blue hydrangeas Everything is blue, it's in the Times, it's in the Post from the southern tip of Florida up the Mid-Atlantic coast along the northern border, down toward Los Angeles Everything is overgrown with blue hydrangeas Everything is blue, the blue bells ring at heaven's gates An overcast of blue across the whole United States and I am in a corner where a blue dresser was staring out the window at the blue hydrangeas

credits

released May 4, 2021

Music, words, and production by Kenny Hoffman, except:

Synthesizer (1) by Ryan De Laureal
Synthesizer (4, 8, 9) and co-production (9) by C.W. Franz
Back-up vocals (1) by Victoria Harris
Back-up vocals (5) by Megan Huxford
Steel guitar (9) by Reggie Duncan

Cover and header images are from The Dream of the Shepherd, Ferdinand Hodler, 1896, Oil on canvas, 250.2 × 130.5 cm, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York. Read about it here: www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/634108

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